Three Ladies in
a Sauna
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR
CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING
SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE
OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE
A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES
LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A
MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW
-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS
IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE
RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE
OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT....I'M
GETTING A FAX!!"
What's up with this fax? jimi4950?
I love your jokes
Reply:hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Reply:that's hilarious :)
Reply:That is amazingly funny. ha
Reply:hahaha nice one!
Reply:WOW! What a great question. You deserve a star for your aw some work!
Here ya go!
Reply:Funny and gross!
Reply:eeewww!
funny though,
lol
Reply:yuck, gag
Reply:that was a nice joke but u shouldnt display such non veg jokes on net cz it can spoil a child
Saturday, May 22, 2010
A field, the poor mans flower garden. Is this not so?
The field, a poor mans flower garden when in
the month of July. Without having to cast any
seed, I can enjoy the blossom of God’s gift to
this unassuming yet grateful Adam. I may walk
that which is free for me to do so. To skim with
the palms of my hands the tall grasses, uncut by
scythe for generations. My tread is as thistledown,
therefore leaving no scars to show where I have been.
My walk is predictable and my eyes most keen for
I know not what lies in secret places; though past
July’s have told me where I may happen upon a
patch of Lady’s Fingers and Thumbs, or Purple Tufted
Vetch hidden deep between the Fine Bent, Couch,
Broom, Silky Bent and Quaking grasses.
A poor mans garden indeed though in my humble
view; I would say it is a wise mans garden, for there
is no preparation beforehand, the seasons are my tools.
The wind my seed caster, the rains my watering can
and the snows and frosts my spade. The sun in all of her
morning glory is my field’s alarm clock,
A field, the poor mans flower garden. Is this not so?
What a delight to walk with you through the poor man's garden. Your imagery is so emphatic, so beautifully drawn that I was profoundly moved. Here in California there are Lupine and Poppies and Wild Mustard adorning the hills, still intensely green from the rains. I truly cherish your writing. It is an inspiration. Thank you.
Reply:The Earth is our flower garden. Unfortunately, we are turning much of it into barren land. Your imagery, as usual, is intense and your ideas profound.
Reply:Sometimes I have that kind of garden where I live, Robert. When I drive by long fallow fields where the weeds have taken over some say the golden rod and Queen Anne's lace are weeds but I think they are pretty. There is a field that has been fallow for some fifty years or so near where I live and the wild flowers have taken over. Purple, white and blue dot it's skin in the summer time. It's really pretty.
the month of July. Without having to cast any
seed, I can enjoy the blossom of God’s gift to
this unassuming yet grateful Adam. I may walk
that which is free for me to do so. To skim with
the palms of my hands the tall grasses, uncut by
scythe for generations. My tread is as thistledown,
therefore leaving no scars to show where I have been.
My walk is predictable and my eyes most keen for
I know not what lies in secret places; though past
July’s have told me where I may happen upon a
patch of Lady’s Fingers and Thumbs, or Purple Tufted
Vetch hidden deep between the Fine Bent, Couch,
Broom, Silky Bent and Quaking grasses.
A poor mans garden indeed though in my humble
view; I would say it is a wise mans garden, for there
is no preparation beforehand, the seasons are my tools.
The wind my seed caster, the rains my watering can
and the snows and frosts my spade. The sun in all of her
morning glory is my field’s alarm clock,
A field, the poor mans flower garden. Is this not so?
What a delight to walk with you through the poor man's garden. Your imagery is so emphatic, so beautifully drawn that I was profoundly moved. Here in California there are Lupine and Poppies and Wild Mustard adorning the hills, still intensely green from the rains. I truly cherish your writing. It is an inspiration. Thank you.
Reply:The Earth is our flower garden. Unfortunately, we are turning much of it into barren land. Your imagery, as usual, is intense and your ideas profound.
Reply:Sometimes I have that kind of garden where I live, Robert. When I drive by long fallow fields where the weeds have taken over some say the golden rod and Queen Anne's lace are weeds but I think they are pretty. There is a field that has been fallow for some fifty years or so near where I live and the wild flowers have taken over. Purple, white and blue dot it's skin in the summer time. It's really pretty.
Ugh need help making something out of this (long read probably)?
girl at work i like shows me many signs that she likes me. However I stopped by my job today and had to buy some wood. I saw her at her register and i know she saw me, but after she saw me she walked away to go talk to some old lady.
I don't get it, if she likes me then why would she walk away when i was just another register ahead of her?
*I know she likes me and she shows alot of those unconscious signs that girls show when they like someone:
Laughs at my jokes
shows palms
comes around to wherever i am (during work)
etc
Ugh need help making something out of this (long read probably)?
just aks her straight out
thts the best way to get things straight
Reply:Maybe your just being a little paranoid....customer comes first and all that..!!
Reply:What you're doing right now we've all been guilty of a few times, but the outcome is always "confusion". You're analyzing your situation "minute by minute" instead of taking in the whole of your interactions with each other. Right that moment she may have been busy, pissed off, distracted for some reason, or any number of things you could never imagine so an analysis of that moment would understandably leave you wondering what's up and feeling confused. But with all the other evidence of the potential for a connection you've named, there should be no reason to be discouraged just because she couldn't enthusiastically greet you right that minute. Like I said earlier, we've all done it, but it usually amounts to putting ourselves through grief unnecessarily. Hang in there for awhile and check out the bigger picture. Good luck.
Reply:mabye she had to be somewhere at the time
Reply:maybe she thought to herself..ok he's not intoday so i dont have to make much of an effort (make-up etc.)..she probably nearly died when she saw you and wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole... i hate when that happens...i have a scruffy day and you bump into sum one you have the hots for... scarlet!!
shoe horns
I don't get it, if she likes me then why would she walk away when i was just another register ahead of her?
*I know she likes me and she shows alot of those unconscious signs that girls show when they like someone:
Laughs at my jokes
shows palms
comes around to wherever i am (during work)
etc
Ugh need help making something out of this (long read probably)?
just aks her straight out
thts the best way to get things straight
Reply:Maybe your just being a little paranoid....customer comes first and all that..!!
Reply:What you're doing right now we've all been guilty of a few times, but the outcome is always "confusion". You're analyzing your situation "minute by minute" instead of taking in the whole of your interactions with each other. Right that moment she may have been busy, pissed off, distracted for some reason, or any number of things you could never imagine so an analysis of that moment would understandably leave you wondering what's up and feeling confused. But with all the other evidence of the potential for a connection you've named, there should be no reason to be discouraged just because she couldn't enthusiastically greet you right that minute. Like I said earlier, we've all done it, but it usually amounts to putting ourselves through grief unnecessarily. Hang in there for awhile and check out the bigger picture. Good luck.
Reply:mabye she had to be somewhere at the time
Reply:maybe she thought to herself..ok he's not intoday so i dont have to make much of an effort (make-up etc.)..she probably nearly died when she saw you and wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole... i hate when that happens...i have a scruffy day and you bump into sum one you have the hots for... scarlet!!
shoe horns
Cute short story based on dream i had last night, tell me what you think. its worth a read.?
His palms are sweaty and his knees are weak as he enters the little hut over to the farthest side of the fairgrounds.
“I really cant get caught doing this or it’ll ruin everything I’ve built up to this point” is the thought pushing hardest on his mind.
“I’ve got to make this quick, it can only be a few minutes” he thinks, pushing his way through the smoke towards the little table in the center.
Behind it sit’s a young lady, a number of piercings and tattoos sprinkled across her slim body. He sits across from her and slides some money across the table, she accepts with a smirk and leans forward to listen to his proposition. Whispers are exchanged and she nods in agreement. He gets up, but before he leaves, slides a piece of paper with some information scrawled on it across the table.
Upon leaving the booth he walks out into the center trail of the carnival, attractions and rides of all sorts gathered along the sides. Even in the overly crowded place he immediately notices
Cute short story based on dream i had last night, tell me what you think. its worth a read.?
This is great! I wasn't sure what to expect at first, thinking maybe something illegal or even a secret lover but as it unfolded it became clear. Very well written and great cliffhanger!
Reply:I was really impressed!
At first I thought he was going to see a prostitute then I thought he was tricking the girl into something evil but then at the end I was like aaaaaaaaw.
I really liked the cliff hanger ending as well although I didn't like the pet name bit but that was probably the inside joke bit right? All in all it was a really good story!
Reply:it was really good! at first i thought he was like in a gang and they were passing along illegal information or something.
it was well written, nice job
“I really cant get caught doing this or it’ll ruin everything I’ve built up to this point” is the thought pushing hardest on his mind.
“I’ve got to make this quick, it can only be a few minutes” he thinks, pushing his way through the smoke towards the little table in the center.
Behind it sit’s a young lady, a number of piercings and tattoos sprinkled across her slim body. He sits across from her and slides some money across the table, she accepts with a smirk and leans forward to listen to his proposition. Whispers are exchanged and she nods in agreement. He gets up, but before he leaves, slides a piece of paper with some information scrawled on it across the table.
Upon leaving the booth he walks out into the center trail of the carnival, attractions and rides of all sorts gathered along the sides. Even in the overly crowded place he immediately notices
Cute short story based on dream i had last night, tell me what you think. its worth a read.?
This is great! I wasn't sure what to expect at first, thinking maybe something illegal or even a secret lover but as it unfolded it became clear. Very well written and great cliffhanger!
Reply:I was really impressed!
At first I thought he was going to see a prostitute then I thought he was tricking the girl into something evil but then at the end I was like aaaaaaaaw.
I really liked the cliff hanger ending as well although I didn't like the pet name bit but that was probably the inside joke bit right? All in all it was a really good story!
Reply:it was really good! at first i thought he was like in a gang and they were passing along illegal information or something.
it was well written, nice job
Some old riddles, if you like them give some stars!?
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
--Ask your mom.
* * *
How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
--Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
* * *
How do you know you're leading a sad life?
--When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
* * *
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus
and a yeast infection?
--An itchy, twitchy twat.
* * *
Do you know why ghosts don't make noise when they make love?
--Because they have hollow weenies!* * *
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
--A cock that stays up all night.
* * *
Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
--Palm Sunday
* * *
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
--Her navel.
* * *
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
--A bingo machine.
* * *
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
--"Are you sure it's mine?"
* * *
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
--Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
* * *
What three two-letter words denote "small"?
--"Is it in?"
* * *
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
--Mace will do that to you.
* * *
If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you
have?
--Divorce proceedings, most likely.
* * *
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
--Everyone has the same DNA.
Some old riddles, if you like them give some stars!?
some funny.
Reply:hah, some of those were pretty funny
Reply:Those wrecked me. Pure funny right there.
--Ask your mom.
* * *
How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?
--Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
* * *
How do you know you're leading a sad life?
--When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
* * *
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus
and a yeast infection?
--An itchy, twitchy twat.
* * *
Do you know why ghosts don't make noise when they make love?
--Because they have hollow weenies!* * *
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
--A cock that stays up all night.
* * *
Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
--Palm Sunday
* * *
What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
--Her navel.
* * *
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
--A bingo machine.
* * *
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
--"Are you sure it's mine?"
* * *
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
--Beer nuts are a $1.25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.
* * *
What three two-letter words denote "small"?
--"Is it in?"
* * *
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
--Mace will do that to you.
* * *
If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you
have?
--Divorce proceedings, most likely.
* * *
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
--Everyone has the same DNA.
Some old riddles, if you like them give some stars!?
some funny.
Reply:hah, some of those were pretty funny
Reply:Those wrecked me. Pure funny right there.
You're horny. I'm horny. Why not just cut the B.S.?
Ladies,
When we are on a date do honestly think we care what your opinion is on economic theory? Your political stance? How much you hate your boss? How great of a person you think you really are? NO!
But we know pretending to listen to you is the price of admission. If we pretend to give a sh*t, you might let us into your pants and that's really all we want. And instead of just giving it up because you're afraid some one will think bad of you, we have to play your game of plausible deniability.
This video helps explain what I'm talking about (except the ending goes too far): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRRotGoKK...
Are you feeling me? Any women who needs my palm print on their a** can just drop me a line. Tell Poindexter how many times you go to church. Don't tell me.
Where's my bad girls at? The ones who need a good crack in the a**!
You're horny. I'm horny. Why not just cut the B.S.?
LOL. You are so funny. That's so true though. I mean honestly, I like guys who are honest with their feelings. I mean hey, I might want to **** too ;D
*But yeah watch this video. It's what people REALLY mean to say on a first date.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ei32amW9ziI
Reply:wtf? your such a damn filthy pig. who the **** do you think you are. If you didn't know, some women actually enjoy just conversing w/out the sex afterwards..
you are the most discusting man there is on here. if all you want is to go in someones pants why dont you just get a damn hooker and save yourself all the trouble!
Reply:well damn
Reply:If the first date is that well..orthe date goes that well.....I will be ******** you at the end! A guy once asked me on the date..in a perfect sexual world...what would you have done? I told him..we would not have made it to the movies or dinner we would have been ******** in his bed when he invited me in before we left! And thats the truth!
Reply:Wow...when you turn 18 give me a call! LOL!
You know the funny thing is? The whole time we are on a our dates...lol...we know if your going to get laid or not already. LOL Ha Ha Women have the power!
Reply:Another attempt to make women look like garbage. A lot of us gossip less than many men do in locker rooms and with their friends....dont tell me you dont ...and dont tell me guys dont complain about their boss....Ive heard tons of guys moan on about miserable things. What a load of garbage
LOL SEXREX....I think so too
Reply:You're just dying to come out of the closet, aren't you sweetie? Tell us all about it and we'll help you come to grips with your homosexuality. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You can tell us. We'll listen!
When we are on a date do honestly think we care what your opinion is on economic theory? Your political stance? How much you hate your boss? How great of a person you think you really are? NO!
But we know pretending to listen to you is the price of admission. If we pretend to give a sh*t, you might let us into your pants and that's really all we want. And instead of just giving it up because you're afraid some one will think bad of you, we have to play your game of plausible deniability.
This video helps explain what I'm talking about (except the ending goes too far): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRRotGoKK...
Are you feeling me? Any women who needs my palm print on their a** can just drop me a line. Tell Poindexter how many times you go to church. Don't tell me.
Where's my bad girls at? The ones who need a good crack in the a**!
You're horny. I'm horny. Why not just cut the B.S.?
LOL. You are so funny. That's so true though. I mean honestly, I like guys who are honest with their feelings. I mean hey, I might want to **** too ;D
*But yeah watch this video. It's what people REALLY mean to say on a first date.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ei32amW9ziI
Reply:wtf? your such a damn filthy pig. who the **** do you think you are. If you didn't know, some women actually enjoy just conversing w/out the sex afterwards..
you are the most discusting man there is on here. if all you want is to go in someones pants why dont you just get a damn hooker and save yourself all the trouble!
Reply:well damn
Reply:If the first date is that well..orthe date goes that well.....I will be ******** you at the end! A guy once asked me on the date..in a perfect sexual world...what would you have done? I told him..we would not have made it to the movies or dinner we would have been ******** in his bed when he invited me in before we left! And thats the truth!
Reply:Wow...when you turn 18 give me a call! LOL!
You know the funny thing is? The whole time we are on a our dates...lol...we know if your going to get laid or not already. LOL Ha Ha Women have the power!
Reply:Another attempt to make women look like garbage. A lot of us gossip less than many men do in locker rooms and with their friends....dont tell me you dont ...and dont tell me guys dont complain about their boss....Ive heard tons of guys moan on about miserable things. What a load of garbage
LOL SEXREX....I think so too
Reply:You're just dying to come out of the closet, aren't you sweetie? Tell us all about it and we'll help you come to grips with your homosexuality. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You can tell us. We'll listen!
I have to write a damn short story for school; rate my opening paragraph+should i give up yet?
Held taught between two palm tree dimples was a bone hammock. Above this, a fin cascading across a furry white beach, and further above still, between the edges of this great fin were two eyes; the eyes of a god surveying a serene beach. Above that, the wings of a bird non-existent, but clearly, if it was there: a bird of prey. This was the face of the grand model extravaganza, El Luchio; a face of infinite relaxation with an underlining sensation of menace, with, despite all, the radiance of an impending attack.
“Bah!” he spat his mango juice out, delicious as it was. “My spectacles, a poor decision surely, for they magnify my godly stare, and thus burnify the ladies’ cheeks-“
“Blushing!” explained his pet monkey, Chirb.
“Indeeditly,” winked Luchio to him, “but,” and he waved his arms around to the empty beach, “they have all fled.”
“Then lets play beach cricket,” suggested Chirb, and they did so.
I have to write a damn short story for school; rate my opening paragraph+should i give up yet?
Don't give up you have a vivid imagination, and that is rare.
What you need to do since this is for class, is check your spelling, and take out the made up words and save them for when you are writing to sell a book rather than get a grade.
there is some amount of cooperation with the English language and brown-nosing for teachers that doesn't apply in the real world.
loops
“Bah!” he spat his mango juice out, delicious as it was. “My spectacles, a poor decision surely, for they magnify my godly stare, and thus burnify the ladies’ cheeks-“
“Blushing!” explained his pet monkey, Chirb.
“Indeeditly,” winked Luchio to him, “but,” and he waved his arms around to the empty beach, “they have all fled.”
“Then lets play beach cricket,” suggested Chirb, and they did so.
I have to write a damn short story for school; rate my opening paragraph+should i give up yet?
Don't give up you have a vivid imagination, and that is rare.
What you need to do since this is for class, is check your spelling, and take out the made up words and save them for when you are writing to sell a book rather than get a grade.
there is some amount of cooperation with the English language and brown-nosing for teachers that doesn't apply in the real world.
loops
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)