Just realized us men cant win for losing...?

Being married sounds good and all but the lust is like that "new car smell", it doesnt last long. The wife runs a monopoly on the (you know) and you better not stray or she'll have your (you know) in court and try to get all she can. Its not my fault I am a man with a high sex drive and I dont ask for much. She wants to make a schedule for sex. I want to make spontaneous sex. She wants to watch tv in the night. I want to see her naked in the night because I cant watch no other "real life girl in person" at night. All the ladies on my job want to take a ride in "my car" while my wife prefers to walk? I dont get it. My (you know) is gonna fall of due to lack of in-activity? Too old for Rosie Palms!

Just realized us men cant win for losing...?
Too old for Rosie? What, you've got arthritis or something? Jeez, man, that's like a little black dress - it'll never go out of style!





As to your wife.... you don't ask for "much" but you don't define what "much" is. I'd say if she's not giving it up at least 2x monthly, she has a problem (like, a medical problem, and she should see a doctor). If it's between 2-10x monthly, and it's just not enough for you, I'd say there's a disconnect between your sex drives; this can be handled by a little generosity on her part ("yes" when she'd really rather say "no," maybe oral when she's really not feeling the vibe) and a little self-gratification on your part....and keeping things interesting never hurts either. If it's more than 10x monthly, I'd say you just need to quit whining and learn to take matters into your own hands, so to speak. ;D
Reply:lol...lol.... well...you know....You don't need those "Rosie " palms...... Get a truck and then you won' be tempted to take girls in your car... The seats r smaller and you can't move around well.... ha ha!!.... you know.... u really r right about the spontaneous thing ...it is better... U need to work on this....you know.... ha ha ...
Reply:Oh no! You married an accountant, didn't you? Bad move, dude.... WAY bad move. Sex is one of those things you guys should have agreed on before you got married; otherwise you'll experience problems in the long run, as you are finding out.





Maybe you two can work out a compromise, like TiVo if it's her favorite program, and a nice risqué movie to help put her in the mood if she's still hesitant and wants the TV on.





Of course, it goes without saying.... but are there any *other* problems in the relationship that could be precipitating this? Have you made sure she feels special, emotionally fulfilled, and (really important) gets her rocks off during sex as well? Did you know her sex drive was this low BEFORE you got married? Or is it a recent development?





Hate to say it, but your situation is one of the primary reasons I advocate a "try before you buy" approach to "your car" (as you aptly put it) instead of saving it until marriage. Let this serve as fair warning about the dangers of having your church group plan your sex life for you! ;-)
Reply:just realizing it? yes, we make all the rules. and if you want, you know, you better be good at fixing what you want so you get more, you know.
Reply:pal you got that right in my opion?
Reply:Have you tried to tell your wife this. I mean have you just told her the way you did here? Try it. She needs to hear you tell her how much you love her and want to be with her in ALL ways. Tell her how you would love to see her in some nice lingerie, maybe tell her your favorite color and ask her would see be willing to wear some. Tell her a schedule for intimate time with her isn't going to work for you . Tell her how that makes you feel. Like she thinks she's too busy for you or something. And tell her if you have to make an appointment with her to share your most intimate time and thoughts then maybe you should look for it somewhere else. Let her see your not kidding either. Wives are suppose to subject to their husband not make them make an appointment. Those people are called Hookers. And your not married to a Hooker, unless that's what she wants to start acting like and then ask her how much will it cost you. If she gets mad then good now you can tell her this is why you won't go on a schedule to be with her and something else will have to be done.
Reply:What SOME of you men don't realize is that foreplay for women starts with non-sexual things. Try telling her how pretty she is, help with the kids, approach her in a romantic NON-SEXUAL way. If that does not work then let some of the ladies at your job ride in " your car."
Reply:I feel so sorry for you. I'm sure YOU fufill HER in every way possible, right?





Marriage is about more than your sex drive, so the victim act is wasted on me. If it bothers you though, why don't you try using that energy to talk to your wife about it, instead of coming up with bizarra similes ("ride in your car" - wtf)?
Reply:If you're married, let's talk like big boys and girls, okay? "(you know)"'s are actually called words like penis and sex.





First, comparing your wife to the women you work with is bad on SO many levels. The obvious (continuing to think about all the girls wanting sex while you aren't getting any from your wife) can cause you to consider cheating. The reality of believing the other women want sex and your sex life would be better with THEM leaves one very important factor out: it would probably change, if it weren't taboo, and you were in a long-term monogamous relationship. The secrecy, the clandestine nature of an extramarital fling is the largest factor in its appeal. If those women lived with you day in and day out, washing your underwear and socks, paying bills, trading off diaper duty, etc., the majority of the appeal would go flying out the window.





I have to ask, how much time and effort do you put into trying to fulfill HER needs, as well? She has some, and they may not be sexual, so you may not be aware of them. One of my main needs that can help me want sex with my husband at night is for him to actually not sit there and make me do all the childcare, all the laundry, all the cooking, all the dishes, etc. By the end of the night, I'm exhausted, and he's horny, wanting to have sex, and I'm thinking, "It's partly YOUR fault I'm this tired!!!"





Also, I've heard from him, at times when we go a long dry spell, that I haven't been fulfilling his needs in however long. In the past year and a half, almost EVERY time I've actually asked him "Hey, do you mind if we just cuddle?" (and I'm serious, it's happened three or four times) he apparently hears "You're not getting sex, so roll over and go to sleep." It's not a consolation prize, it's me actually saying "I need non-sexual physical contact." and him saying "No thanks." It may have been two weeks since we've had sex, but it's been nearly two years since he's actually bothered himself with fulfilling that need for me. He's definately got the better deal.





Considering the fact that most women do the majority of the housework, and also work outside the home, if you want spontaneous sex, you might want to work up to it, taking some of the work off her, so she can get her mind and body ready for it. Spontaneously deciding to have sex after she's worked her butt off all day and all evening while you watched wrestling is not going to end well.





Make up a semi-schedule. Give her a little advanced notice. It takes more for a lot of women to get in the mood, so if you actually work that up in a caring way ("Hey baby let's get it on" does NOT count as a sensitive or caring way to give her notice), you could find her more willing to relax and have sex. Similarly, if you know there is a time period where you will NOT be successful in getting ehr to have sex, because it will just annoy the heck out of her (for me, it's bedtime or when I FINALLY get to sleep -- I work hard, and if he's going to wait until I finally get done with everything and eventually fall asleep, I do NOT appreciate him waking me up for sex), avoid trying to get it then
Reply:How old are you? God you are so confused and have no idea how to be a married person. Stop winging and work on your marriage because you reap what you sow.
Reply:well aren't we horny, look marriage is alot more than how many time you can get it on with your wife, you married her because of something you liked about her, and now your figuring out it was just sex, you need to work on everything else in your marriage if your not willing to give it up because of being afraid of loosing your materialistic junk, love your wife,because she married a sap like you,be grateful
Reply:do you thinkyou make her feel sexy? if so all i can say is set the mood.maybe if you start it she will follow your lead.